The Mole Mends: Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

So I'm trying a different format for 'Perfectly Honest Film Reviews.' Instead of conventional reviews, I'll instead attempt to do my own versions of movies that I was dissatisfied with. Yes I am taking inspiration from Belated Media's 'What If' series (check that out by the way) and don't worry, I won't do the Star Wars prequels because of this. What I'm doing instead is a movie that many people disliked: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

This movie was supposed to be the launch pad of the DC Extended Universe (DCEU) but instead it turned out to be an overstuffed, boring mess of a movie with cookie cutter characters, too much filler and a larger focus on set-up than story. In that case, my first movie repair is perhaps the most difficult because the movie has a lot riding on it.

Before I get to the meat and chips of this analysis, I will first list out elements I will keep.

Elements I will keep:

• The central conflict
• Lex Luthor as a villain
• Batman hating Superman because of Metropolis which is shown in the opening
• Superman being a reluctant fighter
• Superman being a controversial figure
• Wonder Woman being in the background until the climax
• The party scene
• Lex Luthor building a new villain
• The climax consisting of Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman defeating the new villain
• Superman being out of the picture towards the end
• The film ending with Batman and Wonder Woman going to look for the Justice League 

Now on to my new version:

The film opens with Bruce Wayne going to Metropolis to meet Lex Luthor (not played by Jesse Eisenberg because that was horrible casting) for a business deal. The two are professional rivals but they maintain a sense of civility, This changes with the battle of Metroplolis from 'Man of Steel' and it happens like in the film except LexCorp is destroyed, not Wayne Tower. After the attack, Bruce sees a child looking for their parents and it's implied that the parents have died. This irks Bruce as Superman essentially made someone an orphan, something which affects him. This leads to a distrust against Superman. Likewise, because his business was destroyed, Lex Luthor now has a reason to hate Superman.

6 months later, we cut to Superman saving people from a perilous situation (maybe a burning building). This should be treated like a standard Superman rescue complete with charm and a sense of hope. Superman should also lighten up, being more friendly with people and taking extra care not to get them hurt. However, one person refuses to be saved because their family was killed in Metropolis and dies in the flames. It becomes clear that here, Superman is trying to compensate for his reckless behaviour after 'Man of Steel' but he can't fully atone for his actions since people won't stop reminding him. He has a confidant in Lois Lane (who knows his secret identity) and Superman's arc is set up. He's trying to be helpful but is unsure about whether or not he can ever make up for his actions. 

Meanwhile, Batman has been going about his business (cue action sequence of Batman being Batman) but he's more brutal after the loss of Robin (though not lethal because Batman killing is stupid and goes against everything he stands for). He has also been trying to find a way to detain Superman should he need to but he has no way of harming him. As Bruce Wayne, Batman has also invested lots of money in restoring Metropolis and has now bought LexCorp to save it from bankruptcy. Nevertheless, Lex Luthor still hates Superman and is now feeling humiliated at being Bruce Wayne's pawn. 

He uses some of his remaining funds to retrieve Zod's ship where he discovers Kryptonite and a dormant AI called Braniac. Luthor revives Brainiac who promises to destroy both Superman and Wayne Enterprises if Luthor builds him a body. Luthor agrees and Brainiac instructs him to find a way to manipulate and enable Batman to fight him. Luthor knows that Batman will need Kryptonite, upon discovering that it weakens Kryptonians, but he wants to hide his involvement. Braniac hacks into databases and reveals both of their secret identities, causing Luthor to invite them both to a party

At the party, Bruce meets Diana Prince who reveals her knowledge of his secret identity and offers a meeting between the two of them. Bruce also meets Clark Kent and Bruce argues against Superman whilst Clark defends him. He also points out that other vigilantes, such as Batman, are using brutal tactics whereas Superman is at least being careful but Bruce argues that at least Batman doesn't have the power to destroy worlds. This sparks an interesting debate that makes more sense than the hypocritical arguments they present in the actual film. Bruce does some snooping and discovers the hidden Kryptonite. 

We soon get another action sequence when the Joker crashes the party, causing Batman to intervene and dispatch the goons brutally. Superman steps in to stop him from causing serious harm. This causes the Joker to get away and Batman to become furious. He warns Superman to stay away from Gotham and disappears. Superman likewise flies away. Diana is appalled by this whilst Luthor is pleased.

Diana calls Lois Lane in for an interview where she reveals herself as a metahuman and the existance of other metahumans. She has been meeting with them with Superman as her next client but upon seeing his rivalry with Batman occuring after Bruce and Clark are invited leads her to suspect foul play and asks Lois to keep an eye on Superman. 

Bruce decides to get the Kryptonite but when Luthor declines, he dons the Batman suit to steal the Kryptonite (and we see him steal it rather than skipping it in the film). He then builds a Kryptonite arsenal and a metal armour with Alfred warning him against this crusade. 

Meanwhile, Superman is beginning to think that Batman was right about his idiocy in allowing the Joker to escape and vows to catch him to be in Batman's good books. Lois encourages him to do this but cautions him against fighting Batman. Superman replies that he will if he has to but he will keep the damage to the minimum. He leaves for Gotham. Lois, worried, rings Diana, telling her that a fight between Batman and Superman is likely to happen. Diana decides to don her Wonder Woman outfit and takes Lois with her.

Meanwhile, Superman finds the Joker but Batman finds Superman and picks a fight with him for going into Gotham and for the destruction of Metropolis. Through Kryptonite, Superman is rendered vulnerable but he's still a competent fighter. The big changes I will make for this fight are as follows:

• The fight will be longer (8 minutes maybe)
• It will take place in an alley (maybe even crime alley)
• The fight will be equal with both Batman and Superman gaining advantages (since the fight in the film was in Batman's favour)
• The fight will not end with 'SAVE MARTHAAAAAAAAA!'

Instead the fight will end like this: Batman wins the fight and is prepared to kill him, fearing that he's too dangerous to stay alive but Wonder Woman stops him. Lois tends to Clark and Wonder Woman admonishes Batman for doing this. Batman comes to his senses and realises that he's becoming just as bad as his enemies. He also realises that, due to Superman's reluctance to fight, he really has changed and is on the same side as him. Batman leaves in shame.

Wonder Woman informs Superman of her suspicions of foul play and the two figure out the links between Luthor, the party and Kryptonite. The two go into LexCorp and confront Luthor (dropping Lois off on the way). Luthor confesses his involvement and even admits to summoning the Joker to his party to provoke Batman into attacking. He then reveals Brainiac (now with a body). 

Brainiac reveals his origins: he was an AI created by Jor-El to find a way to save Krypton from its inevitable doom. It's solution was to shrink the city of Kandor and bottle it up in order to find a new planet for it. However it malfunctions and begins shrinking key cities from all the surrounding planets. The Kryptonian council forced Jor-El into removing Brainiac from the main systems and launches it in an unmanned ship which later becomes Zod's ship. Brainiac now wants to continue its mission by taking Zod's ship and using it to shrink Metropolis. He dispatches Luthor and takes the ship, ready to shrink Metropolis.

Superman pursues him but Brainiac has raised the shields, making it impenetrable. Wonder Woman tries to stop it with her invisible jet but that doesn't work either. Superman instead tries to save as many people as possible whilst Wonder Woman tries to disable Brainiac's shrink ray. Luckily, Batman, after see the attack on Metropolis on the news, decides to help out and manages to figure out a way to penetrate Brainiac's shielding. This gives the three enough room to enter the ship but not destroy the dish.

Here, I shall address a big problem with the finale (besides other things like Superman's pointless sacrifice and Batman's overall pointlessness) and that's the lack of comradery between the three heroes. They barely talked to each other during the climax and that, as well as the lack of distinct plan, leads me to disbelieve them as a team. With my version, they all confront Brainiac and after trying to reason with it, they formulate a plan. I should note that there should be banter throughout the entire climax, including the attack on the ship. Superman fights Brainiac, Wonder Woman tries to keep the ship airborne and Batman tries to deactivate the shrink ray. Superman takes the fight away from Metropolis with Brainiac proving to be a tough enemy. Batman successfully deactivates the shrink ray before it fires and Wonder Woman flies the ship to safety. Superman is losing the battle with Brainiac but Batman and Wonder Woman shows up in their respective vehicles and together, they destroy Brainiac's body. His mind returns to Zod's ship where Batman deactivates it.

Batman apologises for his actions. Superman forgives him, stating that Batman had a point about Metropolis but Superman promises that he's changing. The people of Metropolis are also starting to see Superman as a hero. Superman decides to dispose of Zod's ship where he discovers that Brainiac did indeed preserve Kandor. Excited, Superman decides to leave Earth to find a new uninhabited planet where he could rebuild Krypton. He entrusts the safety of Earth to Batman and Wonder Woman, feeling he could trust them to protect it carefully.

As he leaves, Wonder Woman tells Batman of the metahumans: The Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg. Batman decides to assemble a team of metahumans so that they can safely protect Earth from dangerous threats.

I should probably include a mid and post credits scene. The mid credits scene shows Lex Luthor discovering a statue of Steppenwolf that comes alive and communicates with him and the post credits scene shows Batman pursuing the Joker and Harley Quinn, failing to capture the former but capturing the latter, setting up Suicide Squad.

So here is what I changed:

• Batman has a legitimate reason to hate Superman
• The central fight is longer
• There is no pointless set-up scenes (I'm looking at you Knightmare)
• The set-up for the Justice League is more subtle
• Lex Luthor has a reason to hate Superman and is not Jesse Eisenberg
• Superman has a character arc
• The climax villain has changed and appears throughout the film
• The reason to end the BvS fight has changed to Batman realising that Superman is more passive that he first thought.
• The Trinity works more as a team
• Superman doesn't die at the end.
• Lois' role has changed to helping Wonder Woman 
• Superman's distrust of Batman stems from his brutality rather than his vigilante nature.
• The Joker is introduced here and has a more active role than in Suicide Squad

Hopefully this has made a more coherent film but I know it's not perfect. But at least I tried harder than Zack Snyder. 

So what did you think? Did you like this version? Do you prefer the original? How would you improve the film? Are there any more films you would like me to do? Leave a like and comment below and like my Facebook page 'Joel Mole' where you can find my other blogs. (On a side note, let me know if I should do more of these). I had this kind of idea for a while now and I want to do this for more films! I'll see you next time. Until then, fare thee well good people of the internet!